At the bar....

Dear Diary
Although I said yes to going to this local bar, I suddenly find myself not wanting to go. I am very nervous I cannot eat, I want to leave early and get it started, but part of me is stuck; and does not want to leave the security of my room. But I have to put that aside and get ready. OK since it is only a local bar I decide not to fuss over my hair; I just put it in a bun wore no make (ok well mascara so I look natural), but wore my red Chinese top and fitted blue jeans. Red is a good colour on me :) and it will help with the nerves of meeting so many people at once. I decide to be fashionable late and as I enter Del’s room I want to run straight back out.

Everyone is dressed all sparkly, hair straighten make up tight and dressed sexy boobs out, and under corsets on waist. There are four girls Del, Lise Fay and Jocelyn all decked out. And it got even worst even worst as we met up more girls in the bar downstairs of the hall of residence and headed out. I got evil looks and but some were friendly others just couldn’t get my accent. So I kinda felt out of place but like a good little solider I rallied on and stuck it out. The little local bar turned out to be the university’s bar! It was packed and I was sadly underdressed.... I just wanted to blend into the wall, but these girls were taking pictures as if we were on a fashion run way! Moreover, I hate pictures. I tried sneaking out of most of the pictures but unfortunately, I got caught in some. As I thought the music was OK until they started playing ‘Dirty Wine’ I was so excited to hear Caribbean music I forgot all my nerves and started dancing up a storm; hitting the floor with my foot, cocking out my back and doing the dirty wine. Then all the attention came from both the girls and guys. The girls started cheering me on and the guys staring ... I guess they were just unaccustomed to dancing like this in the club. Plus it’s a secret with my reserved exterior but I could put down a good wine like any true Trini. I started get asked to dance by numerous guys and I could see the look of disbelief in these girls eyes. Why is the dressed down girl getting more attention than us. . Lise even said it exasperated at one point, but I just laughed because honestly not one guy there was worth fussing over. It was funny for me but I know from back home as Bunji says sometimes it’s not face only waist with some guys.

It was at this moment I felt him staring at me, you girls know what I am talking about. When a guy from across the room gives you an intense stare, this is what this guy was doing. Not my type so the effect didn’t last for long and it was too long so I knew from the start, saw the words written across his shades and all over his jacket and jeans that were 2x too big that he was a player. He made a few passes before he came over to chat, and honestly it was fun flirting without thinking, knowing that nothing would happen or come of it and I won’t see him again ... London is too big. As I chatted I heard he had an accent not English but Caribbean, once again a name was given and other information but honestly I just don’t remember. I know I gave him my room number and my name but I was more interested in having a good dance than chatting. The rest of the night passed pretty much the same and sadly, I met no other Trinis. We got a taxi home and as I hit the bed I fall asleep with a small smile.

Well I am off for now. catch yuh tommorrow..... for my first classes

My last day at work and leaving my beloved Trinidad

Dear Diary,
Today was my last day at work, didn’t do much, got off at 12pm. And Devlin took the day off so we could spend it till I leave for the airport. He just helped my pack and we lay quietly thinking our own thoughts. Me wondering if this was right to leave not knowing the road ahead and Devlin.... well I am not sure what he was thinking he was just quiet more so than usual. He left, when my brother came to pick me up to go to the airport. I didn’t really want anyone there too many confused emotions and plus all the family seeing one girl off to university abroad is so cliché. Talking about cliché that is just what I did. I, yes me who decided, planned, and click my heels over going to London to study stood crying, with tears rolling down my cheeks at the departure gates at Piarco International Airport. It was uncontrollable the sudden rush of conflicting emotion.

I slept like a baby during the plane trip and just ate and watched the in-flight movie.... no cute travellers to report. Tamesis picked me up from the airport and we took the cab to the Hall of residence. I was lucky I got a big room (which by my standards was small). Imagine sharing bathrooms and toilets with ten to 15 people and doing your laundry downstairs in public!! At least there was a fridge in my room. First things first I have to clean down the whole room not that I am a clean freak but you just don’t know who was there before you. Having no cleaning agents, cloths or anything, I head to the kitchen seeing two girls who look settled in. ‘Is there like general cleaning supplies or detergents the halls provide?’ making sure to speak slowly they still look at me for a minute before realising what I said. No the black haired one says but I’ll lend you some of mine, I am not using all of it anyway. Wow that is kind I think, she must be really nice. ‘Come I’ll give you now’ and we head over. ‘Now moving in’ she asks conversationally, ‘Yeah’ I reply ‘I just need to clean the room down its dirty.’ We exchange room numbers and names but with my brain, I forget both by the time I reach my room and start cleaning. I feel tired but the room is clean and most of my stuff is put away. I follow the corridor and knock on a random door hoping it is the correct one. It is Horrah! The same dark haired girl opens the door, after returning the items she invites me out to a party that night just to the local bar (btw her name is Odele Del for short). Cool I think I have no duvet for covers so might as well be totally out when having to go to sleep. Party tonite, my first night in London...nniiiice!

Well I am off for now. catch yuh tommorrow..... if I'm not too hung over....

N

The following is a mix of truth and fiction – you will decide what you choose to believe. It is the story of university life for a foreign student, how she deals with an unknown culture, new friends, and realising her dream. Please note any characters that may seem to resemble real life persons is purely coincide. I would love you to join me on a past journey of laughs, tears, learning, disappointments, love, challenges, and wins.

Standing here thinking over the last few years I can’t believe it was my life. It was such a big risk a leap off the cliff...... Something I never thought I would do. But for it to remain in my memory I thought I would write it down.....So here goes hope you enjoy and feel free to leave comments.

Dear Diary

Today is the day before. Saying ‘Bye’ to Trini, something I never thought I would do to go abroad and study. Not a fun subject for most but I love it – Banking and Finance. I worked and clawed to get the funds and get the grades to reach here, yet I have not packed. I mean this is no two or three week vacation, this is going away for four years and it’s the night before my flight and I haven’t pack. Typical really, I only just got the tickets three days ago, and actually found out I qualified to go the day before that. I quit my job at the bank four days ago too but I wanted to do it for ages. At one point I thought it was not going happen. For the last year I worked seven days a week to get the money for tuition. Sometimes eight in the morning to eight at night for the whole week stamping vouchers to a rhythm to increase speed, auditing and correcting the cashier's work. I was dedicated to my job which is why I think they were shocked when I quit not giving a month’s notice.

At that time I had to keep a few things to myself in order to get my goal. It was almost out in the open before I gave my notice when I got my results. I had gotten the minimum required grade in Economics but not in Maths. I remember I was holding on for a cashier that day when I got a call from the university. I started panicking when the Leanne from admissions said that I needed the grade for Maths. Without it I could not start the course. I saw my dream evaporate in that five minute phone call. She said the only thing 'Was there extenuating circumstances?' Yes I thought the Maths was too hard and they don't even allow you to use a calculator, but out loud I said that I did study, that it was an extremely hard test, that that I froze up for the exam and the fact they didn't allow you to use a calculator but needed you to calculate the square root of two!. She said she couldn't give me an answer would take everything into consideration and they would get back to me. I immediately called my sister in the States and as I started relaying the conversation I started crying, I had to leave my station cause my co-workers started staring at me. I was so upset and emotional, she told me not to worry she was praying, I was praying and she knew without a doubt I would get though. She had a dream seeing it. She's been having them since we were young, they were usually right and this calmed me and gave me some hope.

So I accepted I did all I could do, I prayed and left it in God's hands. I headed back to my station, I passed Delvin on the way and he started apologizing because we were in the middle of yet another argument. He didn't even realise I was upset but it fine. I just accepted it and told him it was ok. It's not all bad though my girls nicknamed Murderer and Lover were there for me for the pass week we were celebrating with small 3 o clock cocktails everyday and our little secret was really the reason for the smiles and good afternoon cheer we all had. I smiled at Lover signalling the time was near and she smiled back and winked. A few days later I got an email saying I was accepted and the whirlwind started. Buying tickets, quitting job, telling folks I am leaving, organising a leaving do and packing. That's what I am doing now well partly cause I am also doing my usual no sleep before travelling. (being dead to the world is better when travelling on a plane for 9 hours). I start packing what comes to mind and Devlin calls, he always calls late, sometimes wakes me up but I don’t care once. I love talking until the morning with him even if it means going to work tired. I know I will miss this, I won't miss the arguing tho. We don’t talk about anything important, definitely not about me leaving he’s been so moody about it, sometimes realising what little time we have and being wonderful and other times wasting it quarrelling over nothing. But, I am definite about ending us, I know from experience long distant does not work. He’s never asked me to stay cause he knows what this means and I love him for it but I can’t say those words cause I know he’d freak.

Well I’m off for now. Catch yuh tomorrow, I should get one hour before work at least come on it’s my last day.

N.