Get dressed, head over to Del’s room, drink some, then down to the bar, drink some more hang out ..... but I still think of him.

Dear Diary,

I believe it is out of shame that I haven’t written the past few months, of how I handled the situation with Ny. To start off with I spent that whole weekend hiding. Afraid that if I walked out my room I’d bounce into them and both he and I will feel bad. Or worst yet he’d tell me some lame ass lie and then I would lose what little respect or and positive feelings I had for him. Besides if I am honest, I think I wanted to maintain the illusion of all the things he told me and the warm feeling I was feeling inside for him. So for all the Independent Woman singing that I do and all the talk I chat I spent the weekend hiding from the guy that was saying sweet nothings in my ear and his girlfriend. Going to the grocery and covering my head, and tip toeing from my room to the kitchen even tho he’s not on my floor. Yes I know I need to be slapped into having sense!


So now I have explained myself hopeful you won’t berate me too much when I give you the update of what has happened since. At first I did what any girl would do I just avoided him. I hung out with my friends and enjoyed the attention of the guys at the Rocket which me and the girls went to every Wednesday. Sometimes I would feel a bit of mean girl when Lise would pull us all together and announce that we were officially the hottest girls in the room. And that everyone else was lame, ugly had bad dress sense or just should not be let in! And she and Del sometimes said it to their faces when they were drunk! But sometimes it comforted me hearing this plus these were my girlfriends and they were nice to me and I was still the same person, I mean, I was still nice to everyone. One of the nights out for the annual May ball I actually blushed at this guy who literally dropped to his knees and asked me to marry him! Yes it was a Las Vegas themed party and I was wearing my skin-fitted jeans cat-suit with a belt hung round my waist with braids brunched on the side, round gold earrings and a ghetto gold chain with my name written – like a high roller ghetto chick hitting Vegas town. We even went to the little onsite chapel and tied the knot. He was cute kinda with blue contacts, but it looked nice against his brown skin. But every night even with all these distractions I always ended up having at least one dance with  Ny. He’d always come over and dancing with him felt comfortable. The girls took notice and started asking if that was my boyfriend and started teasing me about it. Poking me every single time they saw him, every time they saw him steering at me or after we danced. It gave me a torn feeling, and I didn’t want to tell them about what happened with the girl. I was too happy being the one that got all the attention and seemed to be a hit right off the bat. So although I said nothing I always told them he and I were just friends nothing more. And that is true mostly cause Ny and I ended up hanging a lot. Sometimes it would be tv other times, he’d cook (lame stuff but it was still nice) and we would have dinner. And without good judgement I started to fall. I know this cause no other guy gave me the same feeling. And I would always think of him when something came up and wonder how he’d react.



I’ve only known the girls for a month but I feel close to them. This is the first time I have had so much time with friends. I mean I see them almost every day for dinner, to party or just hang out in each other’s room. Well mostly we hang out in Del’s room, which is kinda strange since I have the biggest room. But she has music, alcohol and Freeview TV, which makes her room more enjoyable plus she is always calling us over. Our usually thing for parties would be get dressed, head over to Del’s room, drink some, then go down to the bar as a strong group, drink some more occupy the bar with our beautiful present (LOL), then order a cab to the Rocket when we were ready to leave. We always felt and acted like we are the hottest people there and do whatever we wanted regardless and the boys still keep coming up to us. Tonight was Old skool disco, where you dress up as a naughty school girl or boy and we were wearing black shorts, ties and white shirts buttoned low to show a little little. While we were standing outside without coats freezing waiting for the cab to come (mind you it’s the ending of October and this Trini girl is accustom to temperatures of 35 degrees Celsius, but the alcohol helps) and chatting away to pass the time. This group of guys and one girl pass by and one guy looks at me straight in my eyes, I didn’t hear what they said but strangely it sounds familiar, but I ignore it – sometimes I think I am turning into a right bitch (small steps tho.) At the rocket the same guy approaches me and Lise rolls her eyes saying ‘Another admirer for Nina’. I take the heads up and when he says hey and asks how I am doing I realise he’s Trini as well. I was so happy I jus burst out smiling. He said yeah and so are my friends over there. I tell the girls I am coming back and they all look at me shocked! But I head over and meet the group of guys and the girl. They make up the hockey team for the university; names fly all over as I am starting to realise is the norm up here, but I remember the guy who approached me name Ablie and the girl Pixi (but I am not sure I got that right). I spend time with them and I must say it was absolutely fun! As I head back to the girls Ny pulls my hand smiles and tells me I look nice, I blush.. but am a little taken aback cause I didn’t even know that he was around and normally I have an idea when he is in the room. He looks over at my new friends, asks who they are I gush saying ‘they’re all Trinis, well except the girl she sounds Bajan.’ ‘Oh Cool’ he says he eyes light up briefly but as he looks back at me I feel his eyes still checking me out, I blush and feel a little self conscience as his stares always make me feel. So I decide to go back over to the girls and they are less than impressed about my new friends being Trini.

As usually Thursday passes quickly in a haze and I get through my busy Friday schedule. Friday night there is a knock on my door and I think it’s Ny, but then I think again cause Friday is when she comes over I believe. When I open the door I see Ablie and a friend, and they ask what I am up to.  Nothing really I say Ablie asks if I am hanging with the girls and he particular asks after Lise thinking we’re doing some fantasy girl’s sleep over. I laugh and say no we not hanging out tonight. He introduces his friend Grant. I take to him instantly cause his name is same as my best boy friend back home that passed away and there is just something about him I like. My blood just took to him, but in a friend way, his smile at me said the same too.

Well I am off for now....... A kindred spirit at last!